Are you a Harley Davidson owner bored with your toilet seat? You’ve got every other piece of Harley branded merchandise but to really show off that you own a Harley you need the Harley Davidson toilet seat. Sadly, in their infinite wisdom of branding just about everything that they can, Harley have overlooked the humble toilet seat. I mean look at the below image of the toilet, hardly awe inspiring is it?
No offense every day toilet owners but the prized buttocks of Harley Davidson owners around the world are offended by this above insult, they demand more, so here I am to right this wrong. To paraphrase the band Manowar, every man should be “Sitting in Leather, riding on porcelain”.
Firstly, not being a Harley owner myself, I needed to find out how to make something ‘Harley’ and there’s a few simple steps:
- Black, orange or white in colour (or combination)
- Must use as much leather as possible
- Must feature leather tassles
- Must have Harley logos on every surface possible
- If possible should feature a lot of chrome
Easy! Follow the below to build your own authentic Harley toilet seat which is in no way endorsed by Harley themselves and may land me in some trouble…
- Black toilet seat
- Leather tassel strip/trimming – about 1 metre in length. (Ebay)
- 2 sheets of Harley Davidson decals, must feature the Screaming Eagle (Ebay)
- 2 leather paniers for additional storage on those long toilet journeys – must have tassels and big enough to store toilet roll, trail mix, tools etc… (Ebay)
- 2 wire coat hangers to help attach the panniers to the toilet bowl
- Hot glue gun, pliers and cutters
Put the Harley logos on the toilet seats and panniers, remember that every side must feature a logo somewhere, even if it’s not visible at first.
I used the largest Screaming Eagle logos on both sides of the toilet seat, a smaller version on each of the panniers and the smallest version for the front of the seat itself.
The basic Harley logos were then added to each end of the pannier.
To apply the decals correctly, first cut around each one in the sheet and then peel back a small area of the backing paper and slowly apply the decal to the surface using something like a cloth to smooth out any air bubbles.
To add the tassles to the toilet seat, start by finding the centre of the leather tassle trimming and using the hot glue gun add a small blob of glue and stick the tassles in there until it sets, you want to ensure it’s perpendicular to the seat. Work around the tassles every 5cm or so adding another blob to secure it in place.
To finish off now work around the inside of the tassle strips base with a generous amount of hot glue to secure it fully in place (and help keep it in shape).
Now you need to figure out how to attach the panniers to the toilet bowl. I found that by taking a couple of wire hangers I could build some basic hooks that could attach themselves to the rim of the toilet, each toilet is different so it’s trial and error using pliers and cutters to bend and shape the wire.
Locate your nearest Harley Davidson owner and install this masterpiece in their bathroom. Inform them to kiss that snooze-fest of an old toilet seat good bye.
Await the sheer joy and pride that they will surely exhibit and the now overly frequent trips to the toilet that they’ll be sure to make.
- Tassling for the flush handle
- Handlebars/ mirrors
- Harley engine sound when flushed
- More chrome
- More leather
Unfortunately you’ll have to create your own exhaust sounds, but for that I recommend a healthy amount of sprouts, bran and beans.
If you’re from Harley Davidson, can I have a bike please and in return I’ll build one of these for your showrooms!
I wrote to Harley to introduce them to the concept of awesomeness, turns out they were less than impressed and without a sense of humour. Also turns out that they have so many Harley Davidson toilet submissions that they have a category, I’m waiting to hear back if mine was the best they’ve seen. Below is the email thread for your amusement:
Probably not the best place to mail the idea to, but hopefully it’ll amuse you and bring a smile to your faces.
I thought I would share with you something that I built as a Christmas gift for a friend who’s a Harley Davidson owner (883 I believe, but could be wrong) and already has a wide range of HD merchandise.
After visiting a few of the Harley Davidson shops in Las Vegas recently, I was amazed to see just how many things feature the Harley logo but I sensed there was a gap in the market that has been overlooked.
With that in mind, I feel I have corrected this wrong with an early prototype. You’ll have to excuse it’s crudeness as it still lacks any chrome and the leather is still minimal but I think I’ve added enough Harley logos to it to compensate for this.
The Harley Davidson toilet seat: http://luckylarry.co.uk/
If the joy and excitement of my Harley owner friend of owning this is anything to go by, multiply it by the millions of people world wide who own a toilet and you’ve got yourself a serious opportunity here.
If you’re feeling generous, I would love to own my own Harley and would happily build you one of these seats in return.
(Photo of Kevin looking really happy was included)
Thank you for expressing an interest in utilizing the registered trademarks of Harley-Davidson, in conjunction with toilet seats.
Harley-Davidson is unwilling to enter into a license agreement with your company. We’ve received similar requests in the past, but our current licensing strategy is twofold: to concentrate on products that we believe further the motorcycle experiences for our current customers and to bring new customers to the brand through relevant products that demonstrate our unique brand attributes and values. Accordingly, we are unable to consider pursuing a license agreement with your company.
Although this letter is not the response you anticipated, we hope that it does not in any way reduce your enthusiasm for Harley-Davidson Motor Company.
Thank you for considering Harley-Davidson.
Harley-Davidson General Merchandise – Licensing
Thanks for the quick response, however I think you misunderstood my intent.
It was purely to show what I made as a joke gift and may be make you smile. In my email I mentioned nothing about being a company, licensing etc… But it’s nice that you think I’m capable of that level of commitment and thought.
Forgive my questioning but I’m interested in the bit where you write that your strategy is to “concentrate on products that we believe further motorcycle experiences”… If you don’t mind me asking, how does a licensed Harley branded popcorn machine, oil can party lights or salt & pepper shakers further the riding experience?
Not to push the point, but, with my toilet seat you can at least pretend you’re riding something and let the imagination wander as you make the sweet, sweet sounds of a Harley during your bathroom break. It was the lack of chrome wasn’t it? I knew that would be an amateur mistake.
Anyway, it’s good to know you at least got the mail and you were correct about it not being the response I anticipated, I was hoping for something along the lines of high fives being thrown up and free bikes being given out. The offer still stands if you would like one sent to your offices.
I thought the look of ultimate joy on my friends face surely enchanced his Harley experience, trouble is I think he’s now spending more time on the toilet than on the Harley now.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond to my nonsense,
(No reply received)
Your recent message has been forwarded to me for possible further comment.
Your enthusiasm for our brand is terrific! And, we hope your friend enjoys your gift. However, we need to make sure you understand that without a written trademark license directly from Harley-Davidson, you cannot produce more of these for selling purposes. FYI, there have been a number of others who have decided to go ahead with “Harley-Davidson” toilet seats without our permission, and so we keep a close watch on that category.
There’s no intention of producing these for sale, it’s only for a fun one off as a gift. I use the term ‘prototype’ in the loosest possible sense of the word, if I was serious I would have spent time adding in chrome as well as more leather and possibly a custom toilet basin based on the classic V engine, which you have to admit does sound pretty sweet.
Anyway, I didn’t realise that so many people actually take it that seriously to build Harley Davidson toilet seats for sale and that you have so many genuine submissions. I hope that mine is one of the best toilet seats you’ve seen in a while (if you saw the pictures or link in the original mail). My friend Kevin thought so, but he’s not been seen since – he’s been spending too much time in the bathroom now by all accounts but luckily my toilet seat features panniers on either side to store trail mix etc… so he should be ok.
(No reply received)
So far there has been no offers of free Harleys or congratulations given for making awesomeness personified in a toilet seat. I still think I should have added in more chrome and leather to get their attention. Maybe a few more logos as well…